VICTIM MINDSET and how it’s holding you back

How to tell if you are in victim mode:
-you feel you’ve been dealt a bad hand
-situations you are in are not your fault
-someome has done soemthing bad to you effecting your life
-you have a situation you can not control that is guiding your life in a certain way
-your past has unpleasant moments that define who you are in a negative way
-you blame something or someone for your situation

Common everyday examples
– road rage
– waiting on someone to take action
– someone dislikes you or hurt your feelings
– you were late to something because you got held up by “something”
– someone caused you to be upset

This is the victim mindset.
Defensive Yet? Yup- you’re definily in victim mode

I want to be clear- you may have every right to be a victim.

When you are a victim- you are powerless about the situation.
You are stagnant and not moving forward-
you are reliving the past, in a negative way
everytime you think about the situation that made you a victim- you think of it with pain, or regret, or anger

Victim mentality can result from large disturbing life changing events
Victim mentality can result from small senseless things

So why are we talking about being a victim?
Victim mentality…. Is an Attitude
is it the difference between….
torturing yourself through it
or the alternative- looking forward to it
feeling helpless about a feeling or situation
or having the powerful opportunity to use it to your advantage

Our question from last week…
How do you tell your story?
what’s in your past?
If you have painful spots in your past- are you telling it from a victim mindset view point?

if you are- I challenge you to hear me out
there IS an alternative
you don’t have to get brainwashed or receive shock therapy to change your thoughts in your favor
and you don’t have to condone wrongful acts that have been bestowed upon you
you don’t even have to forget the negative moments of your life- that’s not healthy

IT happened
It happened to you
it happened for a reason
the reason you attach is your key

find out WHY
the WHY you attach is your choice- and is where your power hides
you will not find your WHY from interviewing your assaliant
or family members
you will find it from within yourself
by asking yourself- how do you WANT to feel about it

no matter what the circumstance or situation is- how did what happened make you a better person
this is not easy- its hard
you will resist
You may say -no- there is nothing good that came out of it.
you arent looking hard enough.
you can find something.
it made you stronger somehow

If you are going through life blaming others or circumstances for your outcomes
think again
find the why
find it by asking yourself how you want to feel
get your power back

Take out the blame you are directing all around you
no one likes to be around a negative nelly
focus on your attitude
how do you want to feel about it?

Example: Dog ate your homework
Do you want to sit there and dwell on it, tortured you have to redo it
or find a reason why its better this happened and you GET to redo it.
You even know a way to make it fun I bet (referece from previous episode)

if you don’t- take a deep breath, get out your pen and pad and brainstorm
do a challenge and solution brain storm- find a way
ask the powerful question… how could I make this fun

OR sit there pissed and miserable
which one sounds better?

We are accustomed to playing the blame game

I will tell you a secret- no one else is responsible to make you feel better, or to make you successful In anything except for you

you are the only person who can get you out of a funk
you are the only person who can chew & swallow the food you eat (you are not a baby bird)
you are the only person who believes the thoughts you tell yourself
you are the only one deciding what actions you will take from the time you get up until you go to bed

you may have people in your life that WANT you to do certain things- like feed them and drive them places
but you decide what you do ultimatley
there are parents out there that don’t- don’t feed their children.

the biggest mistake you can make is relying on someone else to make you happy
they have no control over the thoughts in your head, your beleifs, your actions…
so how can they be responsible for how you feel?

you learn lessons from mistakes.
YOU learn lessons from YOUR mistakes
how can you learn a lesson when you are too busy blaming soeone else for your outcome?
how can you move forward and learn from it?
you cant.

Victims are helpless
YOU are not helpless
victims are stagnant. In a holding place. Not able to move on

you ARE a victim until you become a survivor
A victim is a presently active verb that is still occuring
a survivor happened. In the past. And its done

a survivor does not have to continuosly relive the survival
it’s a past experience that shaped who they are today
you made it.
You’re on the other side and are activly moving away from it becaue you are going on with your life

Egg scramble in a Coffee Cup
one serving= 115 calories

1 egg
1 tbsp. fat free or light whipped cream cheese- divided
1 thick chopped slice of ham (or 1 tbsp bacon bits)
salt and pepper to taste
hot sauce if you like it spicy

crack egg into coffee mug and whisk around with a fork
add in chopped ham or bacon bits and cream cheese (i use to spoons to seperate the cream cheese into 3-4 “clumps” for more even taste once cooked
Put salt and pepper into cup and one final stir witht he fork
Place in microwave uncovered for 1 minute

Podcast #7 Show Notes
Weight Loss Tiki Podcast
Hosted By: Kary Has
Podcast Episode: 7
Sponsored By: The Best Life Weight Loss Plan & Interactive Journal

Short Story Featured: The Dot
Moral: Think outside the box, YOU decide what you focus on. Chose well

Are you having an issue following through?

If you are it is most likely due to one of the following reasons:
1. Fear of Failure
2. it’s not fun enough
3. Overwhelm

All 3 boil down to a lack of Focus
Everything was impossible until someone did it once- Nelson Mandella Click To Tweet

Remember the questions you are asking yourself you WILL find an answer to,
whether it is why you will fail
or how you will succeed

If you aren’t following through due to it not being FUN ENOUGH, here is what you do:
You are going to create an obstacle and solutions worksheet for yourself
–Get out a pen and paper and your thinking cap–

Recognize you have a challenge
AKA: an excuse you tell yourself, an obstacle, a problem
1. Write down your problem/ challenge/ obstacle
2. Brainstorm solutions & alternatives
3. Think outside the box (or outside the dot)
4. Find compelling solutions that you look forward to
5. Integrate fun things- what motivates you? USE that!!!

What if I fail? Oh, but my darling...what if you fly? Click To Tweet
If you aren’t following through due to FEAR OF FAILURE:
Listen to Podcast #4 if you have not already- it is all about fear of failure
Excuses are normally predictable and you know yourself well enough to know what excuses you normally use
Write down the excuses you KNOW you will use this week
Then use the Challenge/ Solution method to think of ways to overcome these “excuses” or issues that may come up

Make sure to keep doing the NO/FAIL challenge from episode 4
Practicing everyday at getting your No’s or fails and keeping your eye on the prize
you will get better and better at not taking every little failure so hard
and it will not seem like failure after awhile- more like a challenge
track this daily- if you are already a “BESTIE” you already tracking this in your BEST LIFE journal
If you aren’t yet, sign up to have a sample journal page sent to you below, or at
You are learning and growing and getting stronger
The best way to get over FEAR- is by ACTION
schedule ACTION towards your goal
Do something RIGHT NOW towards your goal
ACTION reduces fear, strengthens your commitment, and starts the process of repetition and habit making Click To Tweet

If you aren’t following through due to OVERWHELM:
you may be trying to add in too much at a time
scale back, don’t stop
focus on one habit at a time
baby steps
write down a list of things you need to do- get it out of your head
this is an action towards your goal
schedule it
Do something RIGHT now towards your goal

Forget all the reasons why it wont work, and believe in the one reason why it will Click To Tweet
Shop, Chop and Roll Meal Plan:
Breakfast: 1/2 avacado with boiled egg inside
Snack: 1/2 cup cottage cheese with 1/2 chedder stick mixed in
Lunch: Caesar salad with homemade dressing (see recipe below), crutons, shredded mozzerela
& falafels (see recipe below)
Snack: chicken salad wraps wrapped in grape leaves (see recipe below)
Dinner: Pasta with veggies & spaghetti sauce, italian meatballs, garlic bread
Snack: handful of frozen grapes
Calorie Content for the Day: 1305 (Sorry I forgot to mention the calorie content on the podcast!)

Question to consider until next week…

What is your story about? Is it an inspirational story, a love story, a sad story? How do you tell the story of your life? Click To Tweet

Don’t miss next week when we will discuss:
– What to do when it’s not your fault
– Attitude Changes
– Taking personal responsibility

Show Notes Bonus Features…

Chicken Salad Wraps
(makes 8 servings, each serving is 2 wraps for 93 calories total)
2 c spinach
1/5 c cooked chicken breast (8 oz uncooked)
1 c chopped fresh tomatoes
1 c shredded carrots
1 c corn
2 tsp garlic herb seasoning
1/4 c reduced fat or light mayo
16 grape leaves or romaine leaves or cabbage, etc

Combine all in large bowl except leaves
spoon 1/4 c in each lettuce leaf and fold

Caesar Dressing
1 tbsp= 61 calories

64 calories for 1 tbsp.
1 tbsp. is plenty if eating in a mason jar- shake until blended throughout all lettue

3 tbsp lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp dijon mustard
3-4 anchovies finly chopped
1/4 c extra virgin olive oil
1/4 tsp pepper
2 tbsp parmesan cheese
2 tbsp garlic

in bowl whisk together lemon juice, mustard, anchovies, and garlic
slowly whisk in oil until combined and thickened
whisk in salt, pepper, and grated cheese
add lettuce

Mini Healthy Falafel
makes 24 cakes, 3 cakes = 102 calories

1 can (15 ounces) chickpeas- rinsed and drained
1 c shredded carrots
1/3 c breadcrumbs
1/4 c reduced fat creamy italian dressing
1 egg

PReheat oven 375
spray a baking sheet
mash chickpeas in medium sized bowl with a potato masher
stir in carrots, bread crumbs, 1/4 c salad dressing and egg
mix well
shape into 24 patties, using 1 tbsp mixture for each
place on baking sheet
Bake 15-18 minutes until cakes lightly browned on both sides, turning half way through
serve with hot sauce or italian dressing on the side


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