VICTIM MINDSET and how it’s holding you back
How to tell if you are in victim mode:
-you feel you’ve been dealt a bad hand
-situations you are in are not your fault
-someome has done soemthing bad to you effecting your life
-you have a situation you can not control that is guiding your life in a certain way
-your past has unpleasant moments that define who you are in a negative way
-you blame something or someone for your situation
Common everyday examples
– road rage
– waiting on someone to take action
– someone dislikes you or hurt your feelings
– you were late to something because you got held up by “something”
– someone caused you to be upset
This is the victim mindset.
Defensive Yet? Yup- you’re definily in victim mode
I want to be clear- you may have every right to be a victim.
When you are a victim- you are powerless about the situation.
You are stagnant and not moving forward-
you are reliving the past, in a negative way
everytime you think about the situation that made you a victim- you think of it with pain, or regret, or anger
Victim mentality can result from large disturbing life changing events
Victim mentality can result from small senseless things
So why are we talking about being a victim?
Victim mentality…. Is an Attitude
is it the difference between….
torturing yourself through it
or the alternative- looking forward to it
feeling helpless about a feeling or situation
or having the powerful opportunity to use it to your advantage
Our question from last week…
How do you tell your story?
what’s in your past?
If you have painful spots in your past- are you telling it from a victim mindset view point?
if you are- I challenge you to hear me out
there IS an alternative
you don’t have to get brainwashed or receive shock therapy to change your thoughts in your favor
and you don’t have to condone wrongful acts that have been bestowed upon you
you don’t even have to forget the negative moments of your life- that’s not healthy
It happened to you
it happened for a reason
the reason you attach is your key
find out WHY
the WHY you attach is your choice- and is where your power hides
you will not find your WHY from interviewing your assaliant
or family members
you will find it from within yourself
by asking yourself- how do you WANT to feel about it
no matter what the circumstance or situation is- how did what happened make you a better person
this is not easy- its hard
you will resist
You may say -no- there is nothing good that came out of it.
you arent looking hard enough.
you can find something.
it made you stronger somehow
If you are going through life blaming others or circumstances for your outcomes
find the why
find it by asking yourself how you want to feel
get your power back
Take out the blame you are directing all around you
no one likes to be around a negative nelly
focus on your attitude
how do you want to feel about it?
Example: Dog ate your homework
Do you want to sit there and dwell on it, tortured you have to redo it
or find a reason why its better this happened and you GET to redo it.
You even know a way to make it fun I bet (referece from previous episode)
if you don’t- take a deep breath, get out your pen and pad and brainstorm
do a challenge and solution brain storm- find a way
ask the powerful question… how could I make this fun
OR sit there pissed and miserable
which one sounds better?
We are accustomed to playing the blame game
I will tell you a secret- no one else is responsible to make you feel better, or to make you successful In anything except for you
you are the only person who can get you out of a funk
you are the only person who can chew & swallow the food you eat (you are not a baby bird)
you are the only person who believes the thoughts you tell yourself
you are the only one deciding what actions you will take from the time you get up until you go to bed
you may have people in your life that WANT you to do certain things- like feed them and drive them places
but you decide what you do ultimatley
there are parents out there that don’t- don’t feed their children.
the biggest mistake you can make is relying on someone else to make you happy
they have no control over the thoughts in your head, your beleifs, your actions…
so how can they be responsible for how you feel?
you learn lessons from mistakes.
YOU learn lessons from YOUR mistakes
how can you learn a lesson when you are too busy blaming soeone else for your outcome?
how can you move forward and learn from it?
Victims are helpless
YOU are not helpless
victims are stagnant. In a holding place. Not able to move on
you ARE a victim until you become a survivor
A victim is a presently active verb that is still occuring
a survivor happened. In the past. And its done
a survivor does not have to continuosly relive the survival
it’s a past experience that shaped who they are today
you made it.
You’re on the other side and are activly moving away from it becaue you are going on with your life